Creating a vibrant life for yourself—partner or no partner—should be priority #1 post breakup.“The need to bond is in our DNA and an integral part of the human condition, but it's equally true that a relationship can only be as good as the people in it,” Hecker explains.In fact, breakups between women may be even more painful, as women experience a stronger effect of the "bonding hormone," oxytocin, than men.
But part of that post-breakup distress is actually your reaction to losing your identity, research from Northwestern University says.
When you are in a relationship, your sense of self becomes intertwined with your partner’s.
The worst part about having that intimacy ripped away is the question that lingers: What the hell am I supposed to do now?
After a breakup you have three choices, says relationship and breakup expert Susan J. Spend time and energy focusing on your ex, trying to win them back (and possibly succeeding).2.
The bad news comes when you get to self-contraction—losing the positive traits you once had—and self-adulteration—gaining negative traits.
So cut yourself a break post breakup: You're not only missing your partner, but you’re also partially mourning the loss of this reliable, enjoyable, and secure identity you’ve created.Researchers also found that women experience more pain than men after a breakup. Ladies are evolutionarily wired to invest in whomever they get involved with, since a one-night stand could lead to nine months of pregnancy, followed by an actual child.Whom they canoodle with potentially affects their future, so they become more attached to the one who makes it through the selection process.They’re therefore mourning both the loss of that person the potential future, whether consciously or not.(The upside, researchers also mention, is that women heal faster than guys.)Same goes for lesbian relationships, research suggests.Oscar Wilde once said hearts are made to be broken—but that poetic insight doesn’t help ease the pain of another universal truth: Breakups really, really suck.