It became hard to find peace between the God that I loved and this aching, unmet desire to find a companion. It felt like God wasn’t listening, and I was discouraged that my life seemed stuck in a pit of hopelessness with no sign of movement anytime soon.
When it comes to making up, don’t misunderstand me. It’s such a common thing that either you’ve heard of it or are caught up in it yourself! It is the seemingly endless habit many couples have in which they will fight and makeup on a regular basis. It makes for great movies, but what works for a 90-minute Hollywood hit is a no-go in the real world.Or when you’re invited out with the couples so you can watch the kids.Or when the only thing that people ask you about is your relationship status (even though you’re convinced that if it had changed, you would make sure the whole world would know about it). Worshipping the idea of marriage in place of our Creator places an expectation on that relationship to fulfill the deepest need in our hearts — which can only be filled by one person: Jesus. And while I don’t claim to be an expert on the subject, I do know that a heart truly submitted to God desires His heart first and trusts that His love will fulfill all other unmet desires.He didn’t want to talk about church or Jesus, and conversations always turned uncomfortable every time I mentioned either.
No amount of flirting made Jesus more desirable to him.
Then, a really nice guy I met in a coffee shop asked me out. But it didn’t take long to find out that a relationship with God wasn’t even on his radar.
While the first two dates were just awkward encounters that made me feel uncomfortable and probably caused my face to glow red for hours afterwards, the third guy peaked my interest. All my ideas and hopes of leading him to Jesus weren’t realistic.
Then there was the pressure of every person I knew asking about my relationship status every time I saw them.
Or mentioning their far-off distant relative who they thought might still be single (which they never were), and who they could maybe one day set me up with (which they never did).
Sure, he could have provided me with every luxury in this world — except the one thing that held the most value to me.